A very well intentioned Bigfoot enthusiast wrote to the state Department of Environmental Conservation urging them to write non-hunting regulations for the elusive beast who has been rumored to stomp across parts of rural, isolated upstate New York.

Essentially, the good folks at the Chautauqua Lake Bigfoot Expo want the DEC to ban hunting ‘Squatches, since they surely would be an endangered species.

The DEC’s response?

Nothing to see here, move along. Which is exactly what they want you think!

DEC Chief Wildlife Biologist (more like “Chief Bigfoot Denier,” amirite?) Gordon Batcheller wrote in response that Bigfoot hunting can’t be regulated because there’s no such thing.

Batcheller lets them down gently:

“The mythical animal does not exist in nature or otherwise. I understand, however, that some well organized hoaxes or pranks have occurred, leading some people to believe that such an animal does live. However, the simple truth of the matter is that there is no such animal anywhere in the world. I am sorry to disappoint you. However, no program or action in relation to mythical animals is warranted.”

The letter was written in reply to Peter Wierner, the founder of the Chautauqua Lake Bigfoot Expo, who became alarmed when Spike TV offered a $10 million bounty for Sasquatches at the height of big game season.

Wierner says there are at least nine eyewitnesses to date of the creature in Chautauqua County, but many do not come forward fearing ridicule.

“All but one wished to remain anonymous,” he said in an email.

The second annual Chautauqua Lake Bigfoot Weekend & Expo is planned for April 26th, 27th & 28th.

No word yet if the state is willing to deny the Loch Ness Monster actually lives in Lake Champlain or giant crocodiles inhabit Lake Placid.

Dec Letter II